Torn between 2

When i close my eyes and envision it, its almost impossible to imagine life without you, but i don't imagine happy things either when i dream about life with you. Ur something i've just grown accustomed to. At times u bring out the worst in me, for years that i've known you. But at times of trouble, you become my guardian angel.

I know i've dreamed about it before, some nights a little less, some nights a little more. But my young wandering days carried hopes and dreams, and my wiser today carries skeptic ways. I leave it to the Almighty.

As for the other knight in shining armor, im sorry to have to put a full stop to your shenanigan cos this time i have to rescue myself. I've learned better. Cant let this feeling as if ur lying to me at times... and not knowing the truth about how u feel...towards me..towards her. Karma's a bitch baby cos its a woman wanting revenge, so being unfair and selfish is not an option. Settle your needs and deeds, before you come ringing again.

Till then...

Troubled writer

It been a while that i feel like a horrible writer at times. I feel like i'm not creative enough or smart enough when i write certain things, which makes me so stressed. For example today's topic la. Hmmm....i don't know how other people are just so brilliant in coming up with crazy ideas. Ade la few times my bos puji that my advertising campaign is so fantastic. Those are the times i feel like so happy and satisfied with my work. But other times, when i don't get it right or feel like im not meeting my own expectations, i just feel so blank. I don't like feeling incompetent. Funny thing is that its the only talent i've been using to survive my whole life. If i don't be a writer now, i don't know what else i can be. Ofcourse i have this dream of being a yoga guru or own my own fashion boutique or something someday but now, its great to collect knowledge and life experience as a writer.

Is it just me feeling like this and over critical towards myself? Do other people feel this way too? Have u ever thought of things like this before?

Sometimes i wish i cud be a world traveler, live a simple life n go to beautiful places on earth. feels so peaceful n free :)

Fading in the background

I hate the feeling every time you vanish cos i don't know where you are and what you're doing. But i have this sick feeling in my gut that i can guess you're with her, so i just close my eyes and ignore those thoughts before it starts to hurt. I decide that i'll pay less attention to you the next time but the moment you say hello again, my heart lights up. And we go on the roll again.

Your love gives me so much hope but your dividing heart at the moment robs my faith away. I want to trust you so much and God knows i do.... but fear is holding me prisoner. While i don't steer the wheel in this case, i've got no choice but to sail with the waves of patience and time.

Only time can unveil the tale.

On another note, David Foster & Friends are doing their Asia tour and they are landing in Malaysia on the 22nd of October 2011 in Bukit Jalil Stadium. I soooo have to go for this. Not only would it be my first ever official concert as a 26 year old adult, lol, but i also love this legend. It's like a once in a lifetime experience. Some of the artist that are coming down are Charise, Michael Bolton, and a few more i can't seem to recall at the moment.

My feelings for you...day by day

Day by day this is how my emotions are transforming...whenever i think of u Love

But...

i don't want something perfect, i want something real.
something between the two of us, something we can feel.

It's like i'm secretly broken, but without the broken feeling
there's just something in me that's missing.

if he's amazing, he won't be easy, if he's easy, he won't be amazing
if he's worth it, you won't give up. if you give up, you're not worth it.

the road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same,
yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.

it's quite ironic that in life, the person that brings out the best in you and
the one that makes you feel stronger is actually your weakness.

when you run from something, it only stays longer.
when you fight something, it only makes you stronger.

it's not telling you how i feel that scares me,
it's what you're going to say back...

Between Estrogen and Evil

Faithfully humblepied

Tonight I saw a shooting star

Made me wonder where you are
For years I have been dreaming of you
I wonder if you’re thinking of me too
In this world of cheap romance
Only friends are taught the dance
Say that I’m fooled away for something more
How did I leave someone I’ve never had before
I longed for true love every day that I live
And I know real love is all about learning how to give
I pray that God will bring you to me
I pray you’ll find me, waiting faithfully.

Faithfully, I am yours from now until forever
Faithfully, I will write, write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of love’s worth waiting for,
No matter how long it takes, I am yours, faithfully

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss
Reminding me of my own lonely
Say that I am a fool to keep on praying for you
How can I give a pleasure for a dream that won’t come true
I will keep believing that God still has a plan
And though I can not see you now, I know that He can
And someday I will give you all of me
Until I find you , I’m waiting faïthfully.