NeaSonia

Torn between 2

2011-09-05T16:40:00.003+08:00

When i close my eyes and envision it, its almost impossible to imagine life without you, but i don't imagine happy things either when i dream about life with you. Ur something i've just grown accustomed to. At times u bring out the worst in me, for years that i've known you. But at times of trouble, you become my guardian angel.

I know i've dreamed about it before, some nights a little less, some nights a little more. But my young wandering days carried hopes and dreams, and my wiser today carries skeptic ways. I leave it to the Almighty.

As for the other knight in shining armor, im sorry to have to put a full stop to your shenanigan cos this time i have to rescue myself. I've learned better. Cant let this feeling as if ur lying to me at times... and not knowing the truth about how u feel...towards me..towards her. Karma's a bitch baby cos its a woman wanting revenge, so being unfair and selfish is not an option. Settle your needs and deeds, before you come ringing again.

Till then...

Troubled writer

2011-08-25T21:41:00.001+08:00

It been a while that i feel like a horrible writer at times. I feel like i'm not creative enough or smart enough when i write certain things, which makes me so stressed. For example today's topic la. Hmmm....i don't know how other people are just so brilliant in coming up with crazy ideas. Ade la few times my bos puji that my advertising campaign is so fantastic. Those are the times i feel like so happy and satisfied with my work. But other times, when i don't get it right or feel like im not meeting my own expectations, i just feel so blank. I don't like feeling incompetent. Funny thing is that its the only talent i've been using to survive my whole life. If i don't be a writer now, i don't know what else i can be. Ofcourse i have this dream of being a yoga guru or own my own fashion boutique or something someday but now, its great to collect knowledge and life experience as a writer.

Is it just me feeling like this and over critical towards myself? Do other people feel this way too? Have u ever thought of things like this before?

Sometimes i wish i cud be a world traveler, live a simple life n go to beautiful places on earth. feels so peaceful n free :)

Fading in the background

2011-08-25T10:04:00.002+08:00

I hate the feeling every time you vanish cos i don't know where you are and what you're doing. But i have this sick feeling in my gut that i can guess you're with her, so i just close my eyes and ignore those thoughts before it starts to hurt. I decide that i'll pay less attention to you the next time but the moment you say hello again, my heart lights up. And we go on the roll again.

Your love gives me so much hope but your dividing heart at the moment robs my faith away. I want to trust you so much and God knows i do.... but fear is holding me prisoner. While i don't steer the wheel in this case, i've got no choice but to sail with the waves of patience and time.

Only time can unveil the tale.

On another note, David Foster & Friends are doing their Asia tour and they are landing in Malaysia on the 22nd of October 2011 in Bukit Jalil Stadium. I soooo have to go for this. Not only would it be my first ever official concert as a 26 year old adult, lol, but i also love this legend. It's like a once in a lifetime experience. Some of the artist that are coming down are Charise, Michael Bolton, and a few more i can't seem to recall at the moment.

My feelings for you...day by day

2011-08-21T23:15:00.003+08:00

Day by day this is how my emotions are transforming...whenever i think of u Love

But...

2011-08-17T13:42:00.004+08:00

i don't want something perfect, i want something real.
something between the two of us, something we can feel.

It's like i'm secretly broken, but without the broken feeling
there's just something in me that's missing.

if he's amazing, he won't be easy, if he's easy, he won't be amazing
if he's worth it, you won't give up. if you give up, you're not worth it.

the road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same,
yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.

it's quite ironic that in life, the person that brings out the best in you and
the one that makes you feel stronger is actually your weakness.

when you run from something, it only stays longer.
when you fight something, it only makes you stronger.

it's not telling you how i feel that scares me,
it's what you're going to say back...

Between Estrogen and Evil

2011-08-17T13:26:00.002+08:00

Faithfully humblepied

2011-08-16T11:58:00.004+08:00

Tonight I saw a shooting star

Made me wonder where you are
For years I have been dreaming of you
I wonder if you’re thinking of me too
In this world of cheap romance
Only friends are taught the dance
Say that I’m fooled away for something more
How did I leave someone I’ve never had before
I longed for true love every day that I live
And I know real love is all about learning how to give
I pray that God will bring you to me
I pray you’ll find me, waiting faithfully.

Faithfully, I am yours from now until forever
Faithfully, I will write, write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of love’s worth waiting for,
No matter how long it takes, I am yours, faithfully

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss
Reminding me of my own lonely
Say that I am a fool to keep on praying for you
How can I give a pleasure for a dream that won’t come true
I will keep believing that God still has a plan
And though I can not see you now, I know that He can
And someday I will give you all of me
Until I find you , I’m waiting faïthfully.

Unconditionally yours

2011-08-15T22:11:00.003+08:00

Everyday, I try to remind myself of these things. To try and be the best human I possibly can, and most importantly to love the people in my life unconditionally...

Do remember to show appreciation for the small things. Don't be afraid of challenge. It's just your ego having a bad hair day.
Do treat everyday as a valentines day. Love is a lifestyle. Don't let work, worry and stress cross the line. Learn to draw the line.
Do support your partners dreams. Don't focus on the negatives.
Do compliment your lover. People become as you treat them. Don't take love for granted. Turn off the phone, light a candle, buy a gift.
Do build a sacred space for love. Don't try to change your partner.
Do learn to stop. Don't treat your partner like a possession.
Do have a purpose greater than you. Don't react - they are the mirror of what you don't like about yourself.
Do take responsibility. Nobody can do to you more than you do to yourself. Don't get jealous. Of course others will see the beauty in those you love.
Do be humble. Listening and being 50% wrong is natures aphrodisiac. Don't let fear motivate you. What you fear comes near.
Do give more than you expect to get. The art of love is in giving it. Don't let friends, relatives or children dictate the terms of your relationship.
Do remember, that everything you think, do and say public and private, affects your relationship. Don't try to be one person at work and one person at home. It's unsustainable.

Sacred Love

2011-08-15T21:50:00.002+08:00

I once read that LOVE is a powerful skill. It doesn't stay naturally. We fall in love naturally, even by accident, but we rarely stay in love by accident. It's a skill.

Relationship and love are not the same thing. I love my ex, but I don't want a relationship with him. I love many but have a relationship with the one. Many people have relationship but not love. That's hard too. Love is Sacred... relationships are nice. The ideal would be to put the two together.

I believe in the power of love and the importance of being in a loving relationship throughout our lives. I believe in the longevity of love and the importance of separating our ego from our love. I believe that relationships underpin most of our life's journey. I believe that a loving relationship with a person who has an open heart, is a truly spiritual thing. More important than meditation in a cave or bending over until our back is tied in knots.

I believe that all people want to be loved, want to be in love and want to give love. But few know how. I believe that few people can separate their expectations, religion and beliefs (ego) from their love. I believe that most relationships suffer because of this.

We have sent people to the moon, but we know so little about the most important things on earth. Like love. We mistake possessing people with loving them. We think being with someone while we are busy doing something else, like talking on the mobile, is romantic. We think occasional efforts and apologies are going to make up for clumsiness and ignorance, but we are wrong. Love is cumulative. It's what you do moment by moment, day by day, week by week that matters.

Love means contentment, and contentment means not wanting to change anything, just appreciating what is, as it is.

Leave her....for me

2011-08-15T11:57:00.005+08:00

Do i have this problem of wanting what you can't have? I think i just love that and its so totally sick lah.

I assume i have a self destructive nature, letting go of what i can have and later regretting it.

Now this guy, who is in the process of getting to know someone else, for a whole good 7 months, and im trying to get back into his life.

Not 100% my fault you see. Hope glimmered when he open his own very mouth and told me i am the best thing that has ever happened to him and we were like soulmates when together. When asked about how his current chic was, he said she was fierce and he was just a passenger in her train and she holds all the schedule.

The problem with men is (responsible men), its very hard for them to pull the trigger. And it doesn't help that he is the ever so caring and selfless type. Even though she sounded as unappealing as he can describe, its gonna take a lot for him to ditch that train since he's boarding it. Although it hasn't reached any destinations yet but who knows how much they have traveled and what attachments they already have and do i have a much stronger impact or not.

How do i deal with this? I don't know. What's my strategy? None. I've seen so many couples this year who have been dating for some solid months and looks like its a done deal but then suddenly poof! You see them with someone else, and you hear the news..they're happier with someone else now.

For what it's worth, i do regret for leaving, and deep down in my heart i solemnly believe he was the one. And now still the only. I never found another spark just quite how i had with him. He was a great guy (still is), a gem in a million. Well if God believes that too as much as I do, He would help me make it happen. I can only wish, try and pray.

To hell and back, yep that's Brazillian wax!

2011-08-13T11:13:00.004+08:00

Wow so i last blogged in April huh... a lot has happened since. Got myself a new job, yet again (what can i say, a writer's career path is full of drama and turmoil), managed to get myself a new ride (it all happened so quickly and brief that when i drove my car, i can't even believe its mine), managed to have a screwed love life (still), ermm what else... oh ya dumped my blackberry, hanging on to an S2 now. And i think i have a big naughty grin stuck on my face. I want...to... I'll let you know soon enough if it happens :P

Oh man! I have this certain person in my life (unfortunately) who creates unnecessary drama after reading my posts. Don't go reading my blog and come and start having arguments with me such as you can't believe how i felt that way and had such thoughts. This is my personal venting space. The topics have nothing to do with you. I think the new headline should be:

"If you can't handle the truth, do not read my blog."

Anyhooo, back to the REAL topic. A year ago i decided to be xtra adventurous and get a brazillian. Not a tan, or a model, a WAX! haha. The experience was uhm well...not too bad i must say. Painful for sure, but its bearable if the (what do u call these waxing beauticians? waxist???) LOL. Ok lets call em' waxist here) waxist is professionally trained and does a quick job. My first time, i went to The Strip. I was super embarassed, you know, to let it all hang out in front of this person but she had like no strange reactions what-so-ever and that felt assuring. So off we went, stripping away them nasty hairs. I think i had like a couple more waxing done there like every 2 months or so.

Quite recently, after months long of shaving (i was on a tight budget to spend so much on waxing alone and was too busy with work), i decided i could not stand this bushman style anymore, and i wanted to experiment with a differet parlour. So cruising around in Bangsar, i decided to enter Vaani's to see if they live up to the expectations. Boy was i wrong. Yes indians are known to be good at eyebrow shaping, leg waxing and all but BIKINI?? That's a big NO-NO!!!

I went home traumatised. Everything was the opposite of my experience at The Strip. Thank god the waxist was friendly and nice. Lets start of with their mistakes step by step. First, no wet wipes to clean ur area before treatment. Then, there was no place to hang ur clothes. As i laid down there and watched my waxist face, she had applied the wax on my skin already but wasn't sure which direction to pull out first. Macam main bantai ikut suka dia je. Boy was it painful. Pain is natural and comes hand in hand with waxing and partly it was also my fault for shaving and making the roots much thicker than necessary. At first she was quick but then the nightmare started when she applied wax on the same area over and over again just because there were some stray hairs left behind. Hello! Haven't you heard of plucking??? I felt like i was being skinned alive! And to make it worse, the freaking wax was too hot, i swear i got burned in some spots. Plus, she blew it off with her mouth (saliva flying much??)!!! And to top if all off, another lady decided to join in during my moments of agony and promote her packages. How can i concentrate while suffering in pain here??!! Hallo!!!! After a while, it was finally over, and yep it was so painful, i was already so exhausted and cringe at the thought of clothing rubbing on it. Oh i left out one last detail, the waxist 'tried' to clean off the area by RUBBING wet cloth all over. RUBBING!!!??? who in hell does that. DAB GENTLY LAAAA!!!!! And she didnt even ask me to rest a while on the bed after all the sweating and screaming in silence. I was half dead.

Behold my torture chamber~

The hot dripping wax that scalded me! >.<

And so i left with the thoughts of never returning. Seriously people, if ur up to actually doing this, i recommend any of The Strip outlets, or Honeypot outlets. I may try Apronbay and WAXxxx and let u know later how it goes but honestly, i would bear some annoying occasional hard sell tactics from the sales girls but i would not risk my health and well being like this.

End~

Jinxed

2011-04-15T18:30:00.001+08:00

The moment i blog about it...poof its gone!

And yea, i need a chirpier blog. Coming soon....revamp... re-story... re-following a better journey.

Love, Faith and Destiny....found me!

2011-04-08T13:28:00.002+08:00

Wow it'e been ages since I've blogged. At times i had the mood to but things we're too complicated to be put into words and not to mention being short of time everyday didn't do it any justice too. Excuses or not, me being an emotional writer always found it better to write with a little push in the heart department. Though the brain runs, but if the heart ain't poking, these fingers ain't moving ;)

Anyhow, its time for an update. Sitting at my office desk, on a surprisingly slow Friday afternoon (usually its so hectic at the agency, i don't even get time to breath) coupled with a tooth ache and puffy eyes (thanks to the doctor who prescribed me the wrong meds and i had to be rushed to the ER at 2am for an allergic reaction to NSAIDs). So much has happened since mid last year and i am happy to embrace 2011 after all the emotional, spiritual and psychological transformation i endured.

I've rekindled a lost friendship with a best childhood friend, grew so much closer, became each other's limb, only to loose it all again due to misunderstandings and lack of respect for the other party. I hope all parties involved are happy now. I know i'm still going on as usual, only to miss her on special occasions. Will we cross path again? Only time will tell. The last time it took 2 years, now? 2 decades?

In the relationship sector, well i've been decently dating a few interesting people, learnt of interesting male characters (and some disappointing ones). All i can say is i will continue carrying my standards high. Its not what you can offer me, but it is what we can offer each other spiritually, emotionally and in character wise. You may be the cutest guy on the block but i am not going to be your door mat. You may be the nicest sweetest guy, but i wont take advantage of you if i don't feel the connection. It has to come in the package. I know no one is perfect but there is such a thing as being "perfect for each other" regardless of the circumstances.

Its funny how the higher power has planned so much for you. What's not meant for you, no matter how hard you try, will not be yours. And what that is meant for you, you can never avoid. Of course He still lets you make a choice, but when you ask your heart and look at all the circumstances that falls into place, you know whats right.

Safe to say i'm currently dating, happy, you can call it rekindled love. Not planning to make it official, just going with the flow and see what the future reveals. Less complicated that way (mutual agreement). Still some questions left to be answered and some HUGE obstacles to be conquered but every victory comes with a price i guess. No one gets it all.

Work has been one of the biggest jump too. From being an editor to entering the challenging world of copywriting, i also went into the experiment of being my own boss. I've always wanted to be a work-at-home mom to juggle the career and married life well enough, and i though one day when i finally am married with kids, i would do just that. But then a thought struck me one morning while i was stuck under a pile of work i didn't really like doing...i should just do it now, start my own writing gig...freelancing and on contract with multiple companies. And i did! Was earning the big bucks for a few months...cruising through it...was getting too easy in fact. I had a night life, and a full freedom day time...do whatever i want at my own time. And one would think life was just too perfect. Well, one thing about me is that, i never believed that life should ever be that easy. With hard work comes satisfaction. Eventually, i got bored. I got bored of the routine, i got bored of the free time, i got bored of not having colleagues around, i got bored of chasing for my pay cheques. Haha.

Plus, i was planning on getting a new ride and an apartment, so running without pay slip due to contract basis as well as none epf benefits what-so-ever wasn't helping either. Thus, i make the decision of going back into the office and now i am happily (not a daily circumstance) doing copywriting at one of the 4A advertising agency smack in the middle of the city with psychotic and evil clients breathing down my neck and having my head on a bounty on a daily basis. Life is good :)

Let's not forget the part when i started renewing my faith and became a better believer by fulfilling all my duties to Him and leaving all the indulgent. I pray everyday that He keeps me on the right track, while i try my best to hold on to my courage to face the ever judging faces.

Amin!

Menanti

2010-08-23T21:51:00.004+08:00

My first attempt at Malay poetry.

Menanti

Yang kutulis luahan hatiku
Luahan yang tiada tempat bertemu
Sudah penat ku simpan pekung di dada
Gara-gara gerun pada ketentuan yang Maha Esa.

Si gadis yang sentiasa berharap
Biarlah hati ini berpaut pada kekasih yang ikhlas
Tiada sakit yang lebih perit
Daripada menanggung cinta tak terbalas.

Muka-muka manusia yang sentiasa berubah
Itulah naluri sebenar yang bergelar lelaki
Tanpa sedar kau ku canang-canangkan
Pulangan yang hanya sia-sia sekali.

The R Word

2010-07-31T19:06:00.002+08:00

Over time, i lost myself in freedom and rebellion.
Over time, i found myself in it.
Trying to find peace with who i am now and finding liberation within the constraints, i finally realised its even more fulfilling and exhilarating.

You should try it.

Him

2010-07-17T15:35:00.003+08:00

Today i realised who my best friend was all the while. It is He who has always been there for me, never judged me thru my worst and best days. Never left, thru the thick and thin. He was there whenever i needed him, 24/7, He was even there when i thought i didn't. He heard my cries, gives me the best advices. I could run to Him any time of the day, He was never far away. He was the strength i needed when there was no more faith left, for having faith in Him was the best answer and all that i needed. He is the reason for my being and the light for my living, shadows away, He guides me when i go astray. Times when i went too far, i somehow still felt His strings around me. He makes me as human as can be, and gives me reasons to love it. People come and go, but He never will.

And the saga continues...

2010-05-22T22:41:00.003+08:00

For those who know the story till now, you'd be expecting i'm finally with someone i've dating for a while. But that's not the case. As they say in Hindi, Kahani me hai 'twist'. There's a twist in the story. Turns out, i met someone else...

Someone else who has got me wondering what if...and for sure, "shit, what's next!" Its like pain is written to haunt me...which regrets and secret pasts already are. Oh ya not forgetting psycho exes. Just when you think there is nothing else left to it, the amazement of reality just puts crap all over your face.

Anyhow, i wouldn't say things are that bad right now. Heck, what's a relationship without a little turmoil but hey i'm only packaged this strong. There is no warranty nor guarantee on this puppet doll.

Shall spill the details some other time...when it's more appropriate(dramatic).

Baby, tell me you love me!

2010-05-05T15:23:00.001+08:00

22.04.2010 :)

I'm such a big ball of mush!

2010-03-31T11:16:00.002+08:00

After the recent valentine celebration and my vow to make this year more adventurous, romantic and fulfilling, things have actually started unveiling themselves and some goals are actually very near to coming true.

With that purpose in mind, i have also promised myself not to be foolish, hasty and rush into anything until i get myself straight and i am absolutely sure of the decisions that i am about to make. When it comes to 'looove' that's my biggest area of caution. Dates after dates and one male species after the other (no, i am not a maneater) i've finally bumped into one that i could consider to settle with. Remember the time where i mentioned "i don't know who he is, and where i am going to meet him, but it seems like we've known each other forever and he has been searching for me too". Well, yup, he arrived. One of my bestie told me to still be vary and not just assume anything, cos it could turn out to be otherwise, and maybe he has not arrived yet, just false alarm or a mistaken identity in pretence. Fine, i'll be critical, and careful. But who can deny this. He could be it. A relationship is something to be worked at, nothing comes by like fairytales.

Certain days i feel so sure, like i do have strong feelings, but another day i wake up all fuzzy and say hey i don't know much yet, and i certainly do not want to go through mistakes again. But the best policy is to take it slow. Why rush into something that will end in a few months because it wasn't meant to be in the first place? Good thing is he realises this too, so there is no pressure here. Let things work themselves out, and when you know it, you just know it.

I've also recently been backfired by my male theories that i've been throwing onto guys who fancy a lil talk on my brain mechanics. Though i'm not typically the usual woman (so i've been told), but he is a man MAN! And without even realising it, i get stuck in those dialogues you would read in posts or books like 'Why men don't understand women' and 'Things women should never say to keep a man'. But with me quickly realising it, i burst into laughter and totally avoid that one too curvy corner.

So, i've been studying what love is, and how to know when you are in love. Not that i don't have enough experience to know what it is by now but just to be safe and put in the extra effort, i just had to research. Someone told me that doing this itself indicated that i might possibly be falling in love. *pfftt* Of course i would dismiss catching a bullet for your better half as one of the points. That you wouldnt know until much much longer. Anyone who could confirm that in a few months got to be mentally ill, but again, who knows what desperate measures desperate situations could put you in ey.

So, tell me if this is right?

1. If you are in love, you care for the other person's feelings and you only think about him/her.
2. If you love the person, you admit that they have flaws and you accept them for it.
3. You are in love you are ready to commit with only one person and have the desire to spend your life with him/her or at least invest in figuring that out.
4. If you go out with the person because of his looks, then you are not in love.
5. It is love if you can be happy by just being alone with the person and spend time with him without doing anything sexual.
6. If you find yourself being attracted to others or possibly engage on a fling, you are definitely not in love.
7. If all you do is fight, criticize, or hurt one another, then you might not be in love, you just want to be in control.
8. If you can't share your secret or dreams with each other, then what you have is not love, its pretence.
9. If you can't trust one another and you always feel insecure and jealous, then it is not love, its lust.
10. If you only think about yourself and not consider the other person's feelings, then it is not love, its possession.

Some things i do know myself is that without respect there can be no love and it would be difficult to sustain a good long term relationship. All tested and proven!

1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
8. You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

Sometimes i feel like describing things in my blog leaves the case unfairly treated as there are some details words just cant describe, like how his laughter makes you feel, how the way he looks at you just makes you want to fall in....

All i can say for now is that he is a kind, gentle, funny, smart, sexy, sweetly romantic and unable-to-be-angered man that i super duper like :D

Oh ya and another celebration to toast to: I've just been promoted, which means a lil bit more spending money for me :)

Shocking Ways You're Sabotaging Your Relationship - Page 2

2010-03-25T16:17:00.001+08:00

Shocking Ways You're Sabotaging Your Relationship - Page 2

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Confused lil abused

2010-03-01T13:48:00.003+08:00

It's been a very confusing day for me. I think i'm starting to like a guy that i never thought i would. He's so sweet and gentle. But ofcourse, this fool aint gonna judge too soon again. Also, its an anniversary date for me n my fist ever true love and longest relationship and for once i actually feel sad on this date. And i miss him. And pretty much jealous at the thought that he is finally and possibly moving on. Yea, i know i'm selfish. And i'm angry at my recent ex who has been nothing but like a bug that would not buzz off nor die when u smack it hard.

Its so painful ya know, when you think of that love that you could have, and seeing people in long relationships finally made it. You wish you had that too. The fact is, you still could have it but it sucks cos you have to embark on someone new. Start over. And you know it will never be the same. And you wish you would never have to give your heart to so many people in a lifetime, only to receive it back all broken into pieces.

And sometimes you realize while growing up and getting hurt in different situations that things thats seemed like a big deal once, never was. Life and love is simple, at the end of the day, you want to be with the companion who is with you through it all. Someone you could wake up feeling grateful to. No gifts, cards or roses matter compared to the fact that he is there with you, holding ur hand through out your lifetime. You wouldnt have to go thru any nights feeling lonely, unloved or undeserving. You know you're worthy, and you have so much to offer, but no one to offer it to.

Sometimes you wish you could just call him up, the person that you thought was meant to be, squeeze him close and cry ur brains out hoping to atleast make you feel better.

And there were times you wish you didnt have to meet a certain person, to learn lessons the hard way.

Then comes the present, when ur looking forward to talk to this sweet sweet guy, who finally brought a smile to your face and makes you feel hopeful again. He sees all that you wish someone would see and appreciate and make a connection that is not shallow nor just physical.

Whatever it is i hope i fall out of it soon and figure out clearly what is it im feeling. While i'm still being mellow, here's some heartbreak quotes for you sadist like me to enjoy. ;)

Life sucks a lot of the time, huh? But, ya know, if you can get through a heartbreak, you can get through almost anything.

I can't stop thinking about him. That has to tell you something. I can't get him out of my head. And quite frankly, I don't even want to try. --- lyssy

Why do we fall for someone, who really isn't for us?... should we blame ourselves for falling the wrong one. Or... should we blame the one we fell for, because... they made us believe that they are the right one for us?!

He's lost the one girl who thought nothing was wrong with him.

You only love him because you fear that he just might be the only one that will ever love you.

It's not that I still love him, because I don't, it's just that I still worry about his stupidity.

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through its okay I forgive you.

Sometimes things can seem so perfect, and then in a split second. It all comes and blows back up in your face, making you remember, that nothing ever works out for you. Something always fucks up your "perfect thing". --- mangledxdreams

The only thing worse than a broken heart is knowing you'd give him another chance.

I don't understand why I let myself stay with you, after all the lies and all the tears cried. What makes you so fucking special?

One day you'll look back and think... damn! that girl really did love me...

Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone... too often we wait too long to say "I'm sorry, I was wrong"

There's nothing scarier then getting what you want, cause that's when you really have something to lose.

I'm mad at myself for crying, I don't even remember the reason but the tears keep flowing and they just wont stop I'm supposed to be strong but everything's so wrong.

Maybe sometimes you just have to say what's in your heart, not just what you think someone wants to hear.

I'm sorry that I'm not the one you wanted that I made your life fucked up its not telling you how I feel that scares me. Its what you'll say back that does.

Learn from your past, move on, grow stronger. People are fake, but let your trust last longer. Do what you got to do, but always stay true, and never let anyone get the best of you.

Just hit play and watch my life fall apart.

I can't help myself; I don't want anyone else.

You are unmistaken ably my first love. Every guy I am with for the rest of my life will be compared to you.

And these break up songs Are making sense again And I really wish they didn't.

Time and time again, I forgave you. I've forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive someone for... and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgave you..

My heart was taken by you... broken by you... and now it is in pieces because of you.

Love is like falling down... in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever.

You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why.

A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried, neither would a million tears, I know I've cried.

Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet.

Sometimes the memories are worth the pain.

Sometime you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye.

For a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone.

We are afraid to care to much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go.

I made a choice to finally let go, because I can't stand the pain, it's time for my last tear to fall and smile again.

I cried today... not because I miss you... or even wanted you... but because I realized I'm gonna be all right without you.

I wish he meant it when he kissed me cause then I could look back and see someone who loved me but I can only go back and see someone who used me.

You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?

Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me... when you come running back... when you need me again... I'll be here... right here waiting for you, I'll take you back... no questions asked. Sad isn't it?

So... from now on... when you think of me... just remember that I could've been the best thing you ever had.

Why did I break up with him? Well ,it's like, once I sat down and looked at the situation, all the pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn't a puzzle anymore. None of the pieces fit together. And even if I tried really hard, the pieces, well they were two different puzzles. That's why I did it, he needs to understand that.

You hurt me more then I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more then you deserve, why am I such a fool?

You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... everything is.

You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore.

I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped.

Hold my hand, just one more time, so I can remind myself why it is that I can't get over you.

I think its time I let you go... and that is hard to do because part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life.

While I was holding on all you did was let go.

Sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way.

I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.

The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone's heart. Including your own.

All I'm asking for is one night together. Just you and me. All alone. And if you can honestly say you don't feel anything for me after that night, I will finally let you go.

Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found.

Fool again

2010-02-24T16:02:00.006+08:00

After all that i've been through, i'd think life has thought me enough lessons to not be fooled one time too many. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! Ain't that right. But yea, it happens over and over and over again. That's what you get for being an idealist or an optimist without taking it with a pinch of salt.

I don't want to mention it but for those who know me well enough, its sufficient to say that another one bit the dust. Just when you thought you'd know someone well enough, they unveil a part that puzzles you again. Its no use arguing or bargaining anymore when your every word seems like an attack to their ears.

Not to mention that i am already a @% YEAR OLD WOMAN, and for him to treat me like a child, is super amazing when in fact, he is the under aged one, like literally! And to say that i've been conned, oh how shameful but yea i guess it happens to me too.

This morning i was thinking to myself, of how i missed all those signs, signs that God probably sent me, but i was too blinded to see. Thank God im not one of those who blames every misfortune on God for not loving us devotees enough but i reflect on how much i've loved him, to be able to listen to his whispers.

And i don't know why do i ever end up with one psycho bf after the other. Probably another fault of mine too. I just realised after ponding and venting out to my buddy Veronica, each of these cheesy psychotic relationships i had starts with lies, denial, and the in-between unsure feeling.

The first one started with denial, denying reality and the law and our power to change things that are apparently out of control. But at the end, if you love each other enough, why should that even matter. After all, isn't religion just a method.

Then came the second one that started full with doubts and i let him rush me into things. Too fresh out of a long relationship (and when i say long i meant ancient), i was out of the dating scene for a while to even know how to handle these things. So i let myself get dragged into it, though it was happy cos he was kind, but i'd appreciate more time at the beginning cos i didnt know his personality well enough and indeed it was what killed it. I take life too seriously and he takes em with jokes so i guess he's gotta find another magnet cos apparently not all opposites attract.

So here I am now, at the end of another one, which left me spending many many important days miserably alone, but had me reflecting on many things and realised the silver lining behind each cloud. I brought myself to believe that these all happened so that i would be prepared for all the great things that is coming for me in the near future. And to be a whole woman when the right man, my soulmate comes along. I definitely did grow emotionally and appreciate many things in live more deeply. Our liberation, our ability to be an individual, all that sometimes get taken away in a relationship.

I am the type of partner who appreciated the other for who he is, that is what gets me attracted to him in the first place right. So never change but keep it growing to keep it exciting and to feel ALIVE. I cant stand unfairness and suppression (too many feminist subjects during college might have contributed to this) but yes, life is a long journey so how could one live with such little light. It kills us and eats us up from the inside. I almost lost myself for one whole year, but thank God i manage to find a balance and absorb the good and leave the things i was uncomfortable about a little behind. I ain't lettin' no man push me around. Yea, my momma thought me better than that!

Well i know my description of whatever happened is very unclear, cos there were just too many dramas to even let out all over again. I'll tell you if we ever sit down for coffee sometime. Anyways, long story short, it was truly a battle of yin and yang, and that was only the beginning, later it turned into lies and deceit and fake-ness and over confidence drowning the other party. And no one got out unhurt.

Indeed, it was a mentally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship.

Someone once told me...

2010-02-17T17:53:00.002+08:00

Life is a transition of growth.Not many of us are lucky enough to manage in finding a partner that will survive through those transitions. I guess even for me, until i reach a point where i find my stability and i find myself completely, that is the time when i will find the one who lived through it.

The list that has 72 traits and encounting of my dream man

2010-02-17T17:44:00.004+08:00

Ahh i can feel him, searching for me,like i am him. I can feel him somewhere so close,doing the exact thing as i am now. Envisioning the same dreams,wanting the same as i do. He's writing a list of all he wants in a woman,as i am too, visioning her, as i am him.

I dont know where he is, and this strange sensation i'm experiencing,but i feel him here and all that it tells me is that we will be meeting, very soon...

Sick

2010-02-11T10:54:00.000+08:00

I wish that all ugly people were rich, and poor people were beautiful.Now thats being positive, instead of all rich people being ugly, and beautiful people being poor. Haha. And if it really were to happen, i'd be both rich and beautiful!

My update after so so long

2009-09-03T23:14:00.002+08:00

So there is STILL the issue about artists over bearing their skin in music videos as if selling themselves more than the song itself. I thought by now people should get over it already. In my opinion, whether one likes the image or not, it is:

1. I look at it as a costume and they always appear to be anyway, all over dressed, over made up and inpractical to be even worn out of ur gate. and considering the male gaze, she could be dressed as covered as a nun and still look naked in his eyes!

2. Isn't it fashion? Fashion's all about loving skin and crazy ideas anyway...

3. Let's imagine PCD for example, in their ever so sexy vids, imagine if they were just wearing plain jeans and baby tees (if thats covered enough for you), would you even wana watch the vid? what would make it eclectic? or interesting? would you even get the feel of the song?

4. If you're that sensitive, why were you even browsing those channels honey?? Look around you, i think ur only choice is to poke ur eye blind. tsk tsk

5. If that's too much for you, you have the choice of religious programs, animal planet channel..oh wait, you might see an entelope hump or sumthing.

6. You can't stop the world from changing, growing and experimenting. I ain't being insensitive, just logical...logical thinking would solve half of the problems in human life.

Moral of the story: Suck it up! Like it watch it, if you dont then change the channel or sumthng...although everyone is entitled to their opinions, no one is forcing u to watch em' or sticking glue on ur eye lids onto the tv screen. Everyone is entitled to their free spirit too!

What happened? Disaster happened!

2009-07-16T10:10:00.005+08:00

I'm enjoying myself today by doing some reading, oh my wonderful lit, which i haven't done in a long while. Love quoting those inspirational people and legends.

[No one, Eleanor Roosevelt said, can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it.]

And for those who were curious of what happened with my 'beauty quest' or better said, 'quest for youth', through my appearance of course (the character is still quite crazy and childish, has an on and off button) well all i can say is, burn, baby, burnnn! What you ask? Money of course! Not my face la. haha.

Well i started off researching online, reading reviews good and ugly, and walking through the pharmacy (its officially my fave hangout place, you'd be surprised what you can find in there) for the best solutions and started purchasing some stuff to see if it would help with some of the fine lines, which i wouldn't call wrinkles, and some large pores. Bought some expensive Vichy products and a Smooth-365 lotion. Well i can for surely say Smooth-365 is a scam. It is just a camouflage for the skin and if you dont have that smooth of a skin, if will just smother your skin for nothing. Ofcourse when the SA at the outlets tests some on the back of your hands, it look superb, that area of skin is super smooth anyway, so it looks good. Well i had to figure this out after i already perchased and took it home. Say a little too late. My friend said, "Maybe die tiup-tiup pape kat kau kot", haha as much as i'd like to put the blame to that but i know that when you already have the mind set that you go in there looking for something and you want to go home bringing something, you are at great risk to all this. When your mindset is not in the mood of purchasing, no sales girl can push anything on you.

Anyhow, i had great expectations on Vichy as the whole thing seemed more convincing. There were quite a number of good reviews and raves about it despite the bad. The outlet in KLCC only had the RM2XX starter pack and i blindly assumed that it was the smallest i could find (later this week i found one smaller pack in Sunway only retailing for RM59, a big fcuker isn't it!) so i bought the pack from KLCC. The SA gave me some small sample bottles as well.

After a week of usage, here is my comment: The gel cleanser from the sample was ok, but the separate one i bought in blue bottle for RM60 dried my skin up badly and agitated it. As for the day and night creams, first day was ok, 2nd day no apparent result, 3rd day was weird as i had tiny bumps all over the chin and forehead, 4th day was worrying as they grew bigger and red angrier. Never did this happened to me with Garnier, Loreal or Olay products. 5th day i decided to skip the products and go with my normal moisturiser and sunscreen. The bumps did not develop further and seemed to relax a little bit. 6th day i went on it again and it was painfullll. Monsterous pimples on my chin and one giant on my forehead. I had baby soft skin before!!!! Although not perfect, but soft and kissable! Rephrase that, kissalicious! lol!

So i decided, that's it. Better stop now before it is too late and to reverse the damage would take forever. The next day i went back to my old and trusted Garnier to calm and boost back my skin with some Vitamins. Some masks, cooling lotions and skin quenching later, my skin became normal back again overnight. It is well mosturised, radiant and i'm as greatful as can be. I'll just boost my youth with more healthy eating from now. That i totally believe from inside and out!

Well, as i can't turn back time, this phase has taught me a lot about products and the skin, and the silver lining behind this is the knowledge. As always, one man's meat can be another man's poison.

Love Thyself

2009-06-20T16:46:00.003+08:00

Its been awfully long since i've blogged about something. Often being hectic from being in love, turning myself into an excersice freak at the gym and balancing my work with social life(not that i really have one), i've finally found the time and most importantly the mood on this lovely Saturday afternoon to doodle in here.

Yesterday was fun. I emceed at the Nippon Paint Yound Designer Award launching for year 2009. Totally wasn't my idea but had to do it for the company as they forgot to arrange for an emcee between all the work load and craziness these few weeks. What should i tell ya, i was shaking more than a goose laying eggs (hmm, what a sight) but once i got in front of the stand mike i just got tuned in and told myself, "Sonia, you'll be fine. You're not gonna screw this at all this time". And i did it! You see, i'm kind of jinxed. Everytime i get on stage, regardless of a dance performance, or for a speech, i blurp out something totally wrong, up side down or stupid that the effects go irreversible. At least during theathre i could improvise but during live shows as imporatnt as this with VVIPs and Ministers all in front of your face, you'll just wish that the ground split apart and swallowed you whole. Anyhoo, last evening was fantastic and i was like the Super-MC! yay!

Ok so the main reason why i got in here was to share some of my aging concerns. You see, having a male lover younger than you sometimes make you feel like the sausy fox who caught the hot young flesh but then at times it just makes you feel like an old fart, especially when you actually start to look like one. 24 going on 25 is no good news for any woman i tell ya. Lately i've been feeling a little less Demi Moore and more of me looking dried as a prune and and with a skin texture as loopy as Mars. People have even start guessing my age by counting the lines that apear down my neck. That's the ultimate secret to a woman's age. Age lines - round the neck to be presice. Thank God i don't smoke. I was never a serious one anyway and has since made it haram thanks to my youthful and healthy lover. haha. Partly, it is all in my actions to blame. Sometimes when you get back from work and you say ok lets lay down here for 5 minutes before you shower and the next thing you know it's already 8am the next morning. Eww how disgusting is that waking up looking like a roti canai face. My bad totally. Time to love thyself more.

So in the efforts of re-evoking my youth, i've been considering facials, which i have never done my entire life! and perhaps an anti-aging cream for these eye bags and dark circles round my eye. Ofcourse i always have my read first and after i satisfy my curiosity will all the research i can find, i'll then make my purchase. Ask me in a week or two how it's all working out. Till then <3

Where's my love gone?

2009-04-27T22:24:00.004+08:00

The month has been quite painful and testing for me. I've endured so much pain that it could either kill a person or turn them heartless. Searching for love and true relationships, i realised that i have none. Most that surround me dont know me well enough to call themselves good friends. In the matters of love, i am just plain mean. I finally realised that i have broken many hearts in my quest which is wrong to do. Sometimes i think it cant be helped but perhaps i should have been the one to know better and slow down.

Those walls i built against him..i wonder if its going to tumble down? The more i run the more its drawing me nearer. Why does it have to be so complicated. He is in the shadow in everything i do. No matter how right the guy seems to be, there is always finally something that i cant settle for. But this "shadow" thats following me, aint perfect either. That was why i left in the first place. He is my sweetest sin, that im never forgetting.

I wish for a sign everyday, for a light to show me the way, a little sign at least so that i know what im doing is right. But i guess it doesnt work that way, so i'll rest it for today. In my dreams i'll still be thinking, waiting, deciding...

What a prick!

2009-04-21T17:26:00.003+08:00

Its been a whil since i've logged in here. Its easier for me to write when i'm emotional about something. These days i'm more like a robot. Afraid to suffer a breakdown from my workload at the office, i made myself tune out from thinking too much and just going with the flow, stop feeling anything and just do what i have to do. Once i get it done, it's passed and it wont seems as hard or as suffocating as i thot the chore would be. But today, u bet right, i am emo. Emo with the people around of course.

Note to self: Stay away from big mouthed people. How do u figure them out? Get into a shit load of mess from their big ass mouth and learn a lesson from it. Step two, refrain from being yourself too much around everyone. Yes i have the tendency to be too naive and straight forward that i am just myself, sweet or sour, towards anyone, be it my boss, colleagues, family, friends and new aquantances. It is time to hold your guard up as it's been quite annoying when you found out people you though were your friends or could have been your friends talk behind you or tell others things that came out over a casual conversation. They find it exciting putting others on the mark of appearing dumb. Real friends dont do that to each other. They swallow whatever nonsense the friend says and humour themselves.

Self realization: I hate when i get nagged especially by strangers. Who the hell are you?? Well i dont care if he is even the one who pays my salary every month but if you dont know me or what i do, u have no rights to judge my efforts. Dont talk to me like im stupid. Yeah my pride is sky high...so what? Atleast i have one.

I gotta stop talking too much. People dont really take chatty people seriously. They think we're a ball of goof. Fine then, i'll only share my intelligently witty conversations with those who deserve it. I dont give a damn anymore when i'm quiet and you think i'm boring. Go screw yourself.

Experiments: Sometimes you look at strangers' faces and wonder how they are like. we tend to judge them by how they look. I tend to be judged as stuck up or probably a bitch. You must be crazy, i look like a freaking nerd. And to be stuck up and a spoilt brat? I've been through more than u can imagine. Libra's are all about peace. I just have the natural ability to leave it behind. Well when i first joined the gym, i was always staring at this lady who looked so fierce. I assumed she'd be one of those garang type or only talked to those she knew. Well, if u dont ever talk to her, when will she ever know you right. So one day when i met her at another club i just walked straight up and started chatting away.Now she talks to me even when i dont feel like i want to. And i've also learned that she is the manja type.

These days i just feel like being alone. I have no mood for people or anything. I dont need no entertainment. I've been seing that the more i come into contact with people, the more i get hurt. No matter what you, people just see all the bad things about you more than the good. They choose to pick on the bad rather than seing what would help.

I miss my friends who just enjoy a nice company, no questions asked, not rules or regulations to hang out with. They love for the goodness and the colour you bring into thier lives. Alot of things i wish i could have undone, more often time i wish i was more mature. All that could have saved the possibilities that i still wish for until today. Sometimes we just become victims to the situation, to others and to ourselves. Some say life isn't lived until it is filled with regrets. What do you think?

Fashion Queen

2009-03-30T13:59:00.004+08:00

Hear ye, Hear ye...French Vogue Editor Carine Roitfeld is the most stylish woman in the word. Yeah, and being above 50 still looking like that, hats off mate!

The editor and fashion director of the glossy magazine that dictate the rest of us mere mortals on what we should be wearing, carrying and hobbling around in the next season too (none of whom is 14 years old and 6ft tall) has to be seen wearing the latest, most expensive, blood-flow-constricting designs known to man (it is usually male designers who conspire most to make us feel old, flabby and stunted). Who can wear the most vertiginous, blister-forming shoes? Who can snap up that very last steel-grey balloon coat from Prada? And who is young enough (and paid enough) to wear those metallic Balenciaga jodhpurs? Never mind jet lag, childbirth or the encroaching years, women are under enormous pressure to look permanently, and effortlessly, stylish. And, as we shall see, some of them pull it off, while others fail miserably.

People with cool jobs....i like to play pretend

2009-03-18T11:44:00.002+08:00

I was thiking quite a lot recently about starting another course of studies but have not made up my mind bout it yet...dont where to go and what to choose...but i was also thinking bout those who have cool jobs to take up all of their lives. All i can do is imagine or play pretend once in a while when the office gets too boring. Here's my list...feel free to add in:

Food stylist
Sommelier
Greeting card writer
Travel agent
Baker
Wedding planner
Hair stylist
Dancer
Fashion stylist
Toy creator
Musician
Clown
Food taster
Footballer, basketballer, u name it all...
Intepreter
Travel show host
Theater/Movie critique
Columnist
Yoga instructor
Animal activist

Halfway down the list i realised that any job can be cool and any cool job does take a lot of struggle, hard work and a shitty day or two. Everyone goes through that boring day or stagnant period occasionally. That is how we pause a lil and start spicing up... so i guess life's a choice so choose what you love.

Being weak will not lower your consciousness, but being false will.

2009-03-12T11:26:00.004+08:00

I was googling up "what to do with life" and i found this article. Yea lame, i know but i found it super helpful at times like these when i'm in desperate need of some good perspective.

"Deciding what to do with your life isn’t remotely easy. Most people never make this decision at all. But since we all end up doing something, if we don’t make this decision consciously, then a decision will still be made, but it will be an unconscious one..."

Enjoy~

Macam mana ni

2009-03-11T16:55:00.002+08:00

Tension sangat sampai berblog dalam BM terus. Dilema melanda lagi..hidup semacam kosong. Tak tahan dengan routine. Ape erti kalau hari-hari pergi kerja, balik rumah, tidur dan esok, ulang lagi. Ape punye misi?? Terasa nak sambung balik Masters yang tergendala haritu tapi rasa nak tukar course pulak. Tengoklah mana ombak bawa kali ni, Insyallah September nanti start balik. Most probably bawa diri dari UKM ni, maybe try college pulak. Kita tunggu dan lihat yah, sebab masih lagi bergolak ni.

Bila fikir umur yang semakin meningkat ni, seram sangat terasa. Katanya kita kerja sebab nak kumpul duit, beli harta then bolehlah berumah tangga. Tapi dah tak sabar nak tukar aluran hidup, rasanya dah sesuai nak naik pelamin

tapi...jantannya mana???Mimpi malam terbayang senang kalau jumpa si jejaka yang stable lebih sikit dari kita ni, boleh la aku jadi soccer mom. Buat keje freelance sudah, follow my passion. Tak payah masuk menghadap office tu and muka bos cina aku. Selalunya kalau aku kuat sanagt berangan pasal sesuatu tu, my power of attaction will get it happen. The shit actually works! So tengah tunggu lah ni. Rasa dah bosan hidup single bawah atap mak ayah, nak hidup bawah atap suami and ade mak ayah brand new. Juga ku nak buat babies. Mesti comel~

Sekarang ni pula tu tengah infatuated with travelling. Tiap tiap bulan nak pergi sini sana, baru baru ni pergi Perhentian sampai hangus lecur kulit muka. Tak ada rupa orang dah ni. Anjing lagi lawa. Tapi no regrets, it was paradise.

I want to be doing something with my life, driven by passion and not money. Which is not where I am right now. I want to have a legal significant other and no more worrying about the one who will sweep me off my feet. I want to continue on my long endevour of learning and education, and be happy. I want to travel countries and watch beautiful cities. Is that too much for a gal to ask for?

By the way, I think i'm bipolar.

Talking about dogs

2009-03-04T09:22:00.003+08:00

i miss his face, and his presense bothering me...but he's been missing for a while.I look for him at the places we exchange glances, i yern for his bothering messages and nose poking calls. Where has he gone? He disappeared just like that. Did i hurt him that much this time? I am worried. I had a dream of him. I dreamt he found another, he doesn't love her much but he is trying to. He sees her qualities different, its foreign to him but he says he kinda likes it. Deep down inside he still loves me, i am the reighning queen but i told him to move on so he is moving. In he dream i was hurt, but trying to swalow it all cos i have no right to feel anything else. I was the one who has selfishly loved, him and the others. Now he has a right to.

I see his sad face and my eyes start to bleed. Though i've always known i can't be with him, but i selfishly want him to be my shadow. I want him to live with one sole purpose which is me. A dirty lil secret my lover should never know... it would hurt any living heart.

I texted him but no reply, this time i know for sure its our final goodbye~

It's my way or the highway

2009-02-16T12:56:00.003+08:00

I'm living it free and happy to be. Like it, love it, hate it, whatever! At the end of the day, those who support me are all that matters. I dont need judges, strereotypers, and typical people, i'm living it my way. This applies to all aspects of my life. No reason to live pleasing others when you have this only one soul to live on and at the end of the day you realise that you're running on someone else's track and done nothing for yourself. Life is about realization and acceptance. It is also colorful,wonderful and as free as you make it to be. You would want to die satisfied, without what if's and regrets.

Love these women! Awesome!

2009-02-16T11:06:00.001+08:00

Pet peeves

2009-02-13T09:24:00.002+08:00

I just effin effin effin effin effin effin effin EFFIN hate people who sms while driving!!! I just cant stand it!I feel like pulling their hair out! It just makes me soo anxious and nervous!!! F F F F F! Damn annoying, i'd rather jump out of the car!

Your eyes don't tell a lie

2009-02-11T15:37:00.005+08:00

Its been a while since i've felt this way and i'm glad i've found it once again. The feeling that knows no boundaries.. the fear of living without seing his face again. I've seen all kinds of love, the crazy kind, the friendship kind, this is both which makes it the best kind, my kind, the one of a kind. Something i didint believe existed anymore, something i though i would never find, something that i no longer know its meaning, has once again found me. I'm happy to learn it and once again break the taboo. I can truly say i am happy and satisfied and loved. This feels natural to me. <3

On the other hand, i just got back from China. I wouldn't describe it as good or bad but more towards an adventure. Exotic food, plain people and overcrowded areas, that sums up pretty much everything. Besides the weather and the beautiful river boat ride on the 3rd night, there was nothing relaxing about the whole trip. Planning escapes and quick cigi routes were becoming routine. Looking for secluded cafes to chill and hide from the people became a small group activity i pretty much enjoyed and will cherish. It was a sweet experience that gave me all sorts of tingly feeling.

As the french say, those who suffers greatest loves the most

2009-02-02T11:05:00.003+08:00

I have a negro version of Obi oNe Kenobi (star wars) for a client. They type like this:

Hi Sonia,

Wow! We do feel great 4 being 1 of ya hopefuls but when comes to convey some message via d design, we r really shit. haha. or maybe u can pen a few standards wordings on our behalf..Thanking u in anticipation we remain.

Ya sincerely,

Kxxxxxxx Txh & Wxxxxx Txxg .

Kxxxxxxx Interiors

I get the most wonderful feeling during Sirshasana

2009-01-30T23:51:00.002+08:00

The music, the tiredness and the relaxation all blending in bringing me the most wonderful visualisation and thoughts. The blood rushing, heartbeat slowing down, such a bliss :) You'll be thinking of things that are closest to your heart.

My Endless Love

2009-01-30T22:42:00.007+08:00

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Beautiful (Kardinal Official and Colby O'Donnis)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
That Girl (Frankie J)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
If your girl only knew (Aaliyah) [Rest in peace her beautiful soul]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Carnival TOwn (Norah Jones)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Bed (J.Holiday)[ Omg so sexual! Im so not a nympho]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Here Without You (3 Doors Down)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Jump (N.E.R.D)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Tchaikovsky's Cello Concert (Boby McFerrin)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Shadow (Britney Spears)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Lives in the CLub (Sophia Fresh ft Jay Lyriq)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Dance with my Father (Luther Vandross)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Nenenenenne (Happy Tree Friends)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Me and my Shadow (Robbbie Williams)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
To Hell We RIde(Lostphrophet)[hahhahahahaha, wtfish]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Principe(Daddy Yankee)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Together(Avril Lavinge) [How ironic can it get?]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Valentine (The Get Up Kids)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Separation (Reshmonu) [im feeling the pinch]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Bailando (Nina Sky)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Destiny (Zero 7 ft Sia Furler)[Hmmm]

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Spanish (Craig David)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Laugh and Cry (MLTR)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Bleeding Love (Leona Lewis)[Uggh my life is so full of irony]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Steppin Out (Late Night Alumni) [God has a war against me doesnt he]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Day and Night (Billie Piper)[Oh wow!]

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
What a difference a day made (Jamie Cullum)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I love em Hoes (Eamon)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Mungkin Nanti (Peter Pan)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Sempurna (Andra & the BAckbone)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
My Endless Love (Diana Ross)

I tag Ez, Napee, Adri, Mimi, Lynn, Zara n sesape else...

Advice of the day

2009-01-30T16:24:00.000+08:00

A note from the Universe:

However long it takes, however difficult it seems, or however lonely you may become, Sonia, remember, you live in a dream world where everything can change in an instant.
Especially when you've been visualizing.
Love, love,
The Universe

Leaving a trail of psychotic boys

2009-01-29T13:16:00.003+08:00

Weighed myself at the gym last night. Shocker!!! I'm at 45.9kgs! Thats freaking underweight. Though i'm loving the look, but i dont know bout this feather-lightness. But oh well, as long as i feel healthy and satisfied with my look, i guess im ok with it. Some friends are hating this look on me, missing my juicy booty, but i think i look better in jeans. I've been called si lidi, speedy and whatsoever but i'll live with it. I'm the lean mean yoga machiene! Hahahaha!

A life, a story

2009-01-27T22:02:00.003+08:00

My life is long

Lots of battles to be won

I wont go up so early

When i havent found my deary

The day i find him is the day i die

I will have nothing else to live for

Nothing left to cry

Its so damn beautiful

Everything i see

Its the constaints

That are killing me

I wish to live a life like the sea

Real deep and truly free

No boundaries to hinder

No impossibles to conquer

I try to say im no longer afraid

Of the dark, the fear and the lonesomeness

I will be alone

Just so that my heart will stand through

To all that is true.

I've done wild

Also walked along the lines

Time to unleash what the heart spells...once again.

2 sides

2009-01-26T17:23:00.002+08:00

There are two sides to every story
Two sides of you
Two sides to every story
Two sides of me.

Two sides of the world
One side is peace
The other side of the story
Is nothing as ease.

There are two sides to every story
Two hearts of me
One does the right thing
One does nothing, and all that i want to.

Two sides to every story
One is what i tell you
The other side is what i dont want to
Be careful with stories
They have two sides
One may be that you want to hear
The other might be nothing as near.

My two sides of the story
Is just my two cents worth
Today it is like this
Tomorrow, i dont know, so wont you.

My two sides,
Is one that likes fear
And the other that steers clear from danger.
Two stories, both that fits me
Both that also don't

My story...
Is of the two sides of the world i walk
That leaves me in between
Lost and unable to choose
As both can be best and costly.

My two sides of the story
I wish it was never there
I wish to be one
Just like you
But i guess that makes me, me
Walking in the two sides of the street
In the end I'm still one and lonely.

Adventures with boys

2009-01-25T02:56:00.000+08:00

I like em' virgin ones....fresh meat

Plague of the month

2009-01-21T16:23:00.000+08:00

mood swings
wild food cravings
isolation
bloating
constipation
junk food overboard
hunger pangs

i hate PMS

Guess who is on the cover?

2009-01-21T10:09:00.004+08:00

Please put your hands together for moi! All the hard work and sweat paid off!

Talking about the one that got away...

2009-01-21T09:28:00.001+08:00

I think Hanafee might be right. So u guys, please come and visit more often.

Skinny Jeans

2009-01-20T13:52:00.003+08:00

Hey yall,
What do u guys think about BLACK skinny jeans? In or out, yes or a no-no??

Some series of unfortunate events!

2009-01-17T09:32:00.005+08:00

Dear people,

I had the most bizarre and disturbing dream last night. Although i was dead tired, i kept on waking and feeling confused about the dream being reality. How disturbing, my hard was pumping hard and i was super anxious wishing it wasn't true. I had to take a moment to gather myself and get a reality check. And to add to the trauma, all of the dreams were gathered halfway from my daytime experience.

Ok where to start...hmmm...so it started with me talking to my bro about my mom going ballistic because i didn't wish her on her birthday yesterday, which was true but in the dream my mum's face was so much scarier, then my bro runs off to for a game of futsal with these really huge group of boys in some old gudang somewhere and i was running after him cos apparently a secret admirer was looking for me and only my bro knew how he looked like. And in seconds i looked down to my belly and discovered i had a bump and was 5 months pregnant by this admirer i never even been on a date with. When i finally saw a glimps of him, he was not all that handsome at all, looking a lil like shrek..just a little. Thinking that it was kinda late for an abortion unless i wanted to be a cruel human bitch, i thought ok lets have the baby, why not, i love kids anyway...but then a pang of realization hit me! I'm in love with another guy and i dont think he can accept this. Heck he doesnt even wana get married anytime soon. What was i to do? How can i breed an almost shrek looking baby when i'm head over heels in love with another man! Ughh! Can it get any worse? Yes! Suddenly i was stuck in front of this clubbing area late at night trying to find my way home when i realised that my car was missing. Shucks, its been stolen!

Does this suck or what! Heck am i glad i woke up from it. Now the question is...is there any significance to this?

Oh ya and not forgetting i woke up with a bruise on my arm ;(

Love,
your drama mama

my Cupid has gone on vacation

2009-01-16T09:34:00.003+08:00

Love don't let me go. My faith is only hanging by a thread.

Black cats are good luck

2009-01-16T09:14:00.004+08:00

Not many know that a posititve thought is so so so so much more powerful than a negative thought. That is why when someone dreams of something good happening, either he himself or someone around him would say,"yeah right!" or "dream on!" or "is that even possible?" or "ughh no harm in dreaming". But at an immediate moment someone says a bad statement the automatic reaction would be,"OMG dont say things like that, touch wood!".

The fear of the bad thought manifesing is so much more believable than thinking the same for the good one. If you can think something as crazy and as bad is easily manifested, then why not think the same for the good thoughts. is it too good to be true? Well, some things are too horrible too be true as well. But it is. And good things happen to many people but you are always thingking it just doesnt happen to you. Stop! Ofcourse miracles dont happen in a second but believe in luck and God's good graces coupled with some effort then WALLAH! Your wish is my command ~

Love,

Sonia

Amour Vincit Omnia

2009-01-15T10:11:00.002+08:00

Latins have the reputation of being overtly romantic and going by the saying Amour Vincit Omnia, love conquers all.

Well, Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

The cat's out of the bag!

2009-01-15T09:41:00.003+08:00

When your best friend's fiance starts sms-ing you in the middle of the night out of nothing you know you smell trouble. Congratulations on your engagement and planned wedding this year, but this is going off as a bad start. Good luck love~

"Disturbance in the force"

2009-01-12T15:13:00.002+08:00

I'm worried..but Zeb says before every dawn there is darkness. And the fact that i went from one shit hole into another is also o.k. He says i went from a mud hole into a shit hole, which is the fertilizer and then comes the flower. I'm still waiting for the seeding though. Tough luck.

Formalities

2009-01-12T13:44:00.001+08:00

Dear God,

Please guide me, give me a sign, keep me away from the bad and keep me from straying. Please keep me under the light and away from the heartache.

Love,
Sonia

My daily horoscope: Proximity makes the heart grow fonder?

2009-01-12T10:58:00.002+08:00

"If you're trying to fall into good graces with that hottie, hang around him or her a lot, at first. As soon as the momentum swings in your favor, become suddenly unavailable. Everyone wants what they can't have, right? The law of scarcity at its best."

It also says,"Embrace your inner eccentric and don't edit yourself today. Let it all hang loose!"

Okay i shall let all my fats hang loose.

An excited lil boy fell into a pond of Garra Rufas

2009-01-12T09:48:00.002+08:00

Fish, please suck the devil out of his nose~

Scrappy coco

2009-01-11T22:47:00.003+08:00

Shit its happening over and over again. Y is god playing this game on me? I'm not gonna be the fool again this time. Shame on me if you fool me twice. This time i'm taking charge, I'm gonna forget about it, leave it behind. Ur not hurting me again. I'm tired of being the slut!

Arduous negotiation

2009-01-11T20:46:00.004+08:00

Wooing someone really takes a lot of work. Its real tiresome and not to mention you have to prepare for the heartbreak and dissapoinment. Its so hard liking someone when you dont know what they're thinking, what's going on in their life, if there is someone else there and if they are thinking of you when you are. Sounds exciting but trust me, it's more excruciating than fun. Its so much easier when a guy likes you and you be the judge and give the yes or no word.

Nonetheless, it doesnt always work that way cos sometimes you just unintentionally have a crush or fall for someone and then the game starts. And judging by my luck, those i like i usually dont get. Fucked up right! I dont know what so difficult cos i impress tremendously the people i dont focus on and fail on people i do. Shitty, but just my luck. How can one ever find her soul mate if things go on like this?

I hate this part right here...

p/s: I dont let people come and go in my life, i decide who does.

One's a company, two's a crowd, three's a party!

2009-01-09T09:55:00.002+08:00

Many say that a sweet and pretty gal like me (people say ok, pls don't rain on my parade) wouldn't have any problem getting any guy i want. Some even say any guy would wana be with me, or else he's blind. Well i for one is sick of that statement. It's not even close to the truth. I never get the guys i want, and the ones i don't stick to me like a magnet. Sad and depressing indeed. I'm so out of the dating and flirting game. It's taking too much of my time and energy. I'm just gonna be one of those spinsters with 40 cats in their home waiting endlessly for her prince charming.

Waiting endlessly....

Bum bum Bummer

2009-01-07T23:18:00.003+08:00

On days when i forget to bring the headphones to the gym, i amuse myself by reading the subtitles and laughing at how distorted the malay subtitles are. Barely depicts the actually English conversation but good for entertaining cos it's rather amusing. I end up laughing not at the actual scene but after reading its translation. Comical, really. You should try it once in a while. I know it might get annoying after some time but sometimes u gotta act like u have no choice. Or better, break a speaker or something.

So today after a TORMENTING session of TORTURE with the trainer, I finally heard the magic word, "you're too skinny, eat more!" Ok that's the first in like...ever!!! I think its probably because he's only training me after i've losta bunch of kgs. I dont think he remembers how...erm thinking of the right word here... ok, fluffy i was when i first joined them. But yeah he reminded me not to do too much of cardio everyday unless i wana look like a beanpole. Go figure! No wonder everything is like going flat. I never actually realised that, focusing too much on the jelly belly that i ignored those stuff my mama gave me.

Not that i'm noticing it, it is kinda disturbing. Though i'm glad i'm not aneroxic or bulimic, still its funny that when i smile, u'd see my full set of teeth + the gums cos my cheeks are too thin. And in a way i'm starting to miss the ass guys used to swoon over. Err not being perasan here, just talking facts. It's MY space to vent anyways so boohoo you. This is one place where no one cares about what YOU think.

Nyways, moving on to the good stuff...there seems to be more and more cute guys in the gym. Things looking up for me :) hehehe. Not that I need a man right now. Having one already >.<

All girly, rock n' roll and sexy rolled into one

2009-01-06T11:32:00.002+08:00

I'm changing style~

You Ate the Cat!

2009-01-05T17:37:00.011+08:00

I was doing some research on color palettes to do write ups for idS FEB 09' issue and i discovered pretty interesting stuff and the most colorful art, products, websites like...

kirkoriginals.com

Ever since they converted an old sewing machine into a glass cutter back in 1919 Kirk Originals has been creating some of the most colorful eyeglasses on the market.

2) Christiana Couceiro's
beautiful use
of
color palettes

3) And some peculiar palette choices from this painter, Kim Dorland

Swallow some of these:

Why is Pink a Girl Color and Blue a Boy Color?

According to the website "Gender Specific Colors," it would seem that assigning color to gender is mostly a 20th century trait. It would also seem that at one time, the color associations were reversed when color first came into use as a gender identifier.

In fact, this reversal of what we consider "normal" was considered conventional, even in the early 20th century.

"At one point pink was considered more of a boy's color, (as a watered-down red, which is a fierce color) and blue was more for girls. The associate of pink with bold, dramatic red clearly affected its use for boys. An American newspaper in 1914 advised mothers, "If you like the color note on the little one's garments, use pink for the boy and blue for the girl, if you are a follower of convention." [The Sunday Sentinal, March 29, 1914.]

"There has been a great diversity of opinion on the subject, but the generally accepted rule is pink for the boy and blue for the girl. The reason is that pink being a more decided and stronger color is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." [Ladies Home Journal, June, 1918]

Why is the Green M&M the Horny One?

Mars Company has been producing M&M Chocolate Candies since 1941. Various rumors have since been attached to different colors of the candy: the green ones are an aphrodisiac; if the last candy out of a bag is red, make a wish and it will come true; if the last candy out of a bag is yellow, you should call in sick and stay home; orange M&Ms are good luck, but brown ones are bad luck.

Why is Purple a Lesbian Color?

The color purple (or, more accurately, lavender) became popularized as a symbol for pride in the late 1960s - a frequent post-Stonewall catchword for the gay community was "Purple Power".

Purple as a gay / lesbian color was pushed into pop-culture in 1999 by Rev. Jerry Falwell and his kinky Tinky Winky theory. Falwell said that Tinky Winky, the TV Teletubby from Itsy Bitsy Entertainment and PBS, is in all likelihood gay.

Why? Like Barney, Tinky Winky is purple. Tinky Winky carries a bag. Tinky Winky has a triangular antenna on his head. Purple, the gay pride color, is a pretty good tip-off. The so-called magic bag? A purse, and you know what that means. But the triangular antenna is the clincher. A big gay pride signal.

Why is Black the Color of Death?

Black is often seen as the 'color' of death in Western culture. This is likely because when things die the rotting flesh will turn black, and it is also the color of wood after fire has completely consumed it. Black is also the 'color' of the unknown, since darkness hinders vision.

People in many cultures have an automatic negative perception of the color black. Thomas Gilovich and Mark Frank found that sports teams with primarily black uniforms were significantly more likely to receive penalties in historical data. Students were more likely to infer negative traits from a picture of a player wearing a black uniform. They also taped staged football matches, with one team wearing black and another wearing white. Experienced referees were more likely to penalize black-wearing players for nearly identical plays. Finally, groups of students tended to prefer more aggressive sports if wearing black shirts themselves.

Why is the Sky Blue?

The first thing to recognize is that the sun is an extremely bright source of light -- much brighter than the moon. The second thing to recognize is that the atoms of nitrogen and oxygen in the atmosphere have an effect on the sunlight that passes through them.

There is a physical phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering that causes light to scatter when it passes through particles that have a diameter one-tenth that of the wavelength (color) of the light. Sunlight is made up of all different colors of light, but because of the elements in the atmosphere the color blue is scattered much more efficiently than the other colors.

Why is Raising a White Flag the Symbol for Surrender?

The white flag is an internationally recognized protective sign of truce or ceasefire, and request for negotiation. It is also used to symbolise surrender, since it is often the weaker military party which requests negotiation. A white flag signifies to all that an approaching negotiator is unarmed, with an intent to surrender or a desire to communicate. Persons carrying or waving a white flag are not to be fired upon, nor are they allowed to open fire. The use of the flag to surrender is included in the Geneva Conventions.

The first mention of the usage of white flags to surrender is made during from the Eastern Han dynasty (A.D 25-220). In the Roman Empire, the historian Cornelius Tacitus mentions a white flag of surrender in A.D. 109. Before that time, Roman armies would surrender by holding their shields above their heads. The usage of the white flag has since spread worldwide.

Felt like a little history lesson doesn't it?Hahaha, i though deemed it very much intriguing.

thanks to colorlovers.com

For Sale!

2009-01-04T14:02:00.002+08:00

I'm getting rid of old torn underwears.

If you're wondering what underwear means to some people, here's a few thoughts:

1) excess clothing you don't need because no-one ever sees it

2) item of clothing used to stabilize one's genitalia and ass cheeks.

3) a fart destenchilizer that protects jeans from skid marks. (ahahah that's a good one!)

4) a nuisense of a device designed to abate the process of dressing and undressing.

5) completely useless to men

6) the stuff that hangs out of ur pants if ur cool ]

7) A scam; you don't need it.

*Based on other people's story on how they had spent their New Year celebration, I can safely conclude that it is - The one night of the year when getting drunk and making a fool of yourself is not optional, but in fact mandatory.

Peace, love, and green M&Ms?

2009-01-04T00:34:00.004+08:00

I remember when i was little i used to do stuff a lot in front of the mirror like walk like a duck with my back super bent, orang melayu cakap tonggek. And sometimes pull in my breath till i can see my rib cage and the bones around my chest and neck hurt. Crazy i know. Things kids do~
Well, after about the age of 15 i think, I could not suck in and see my ribs anymore. Not that i was fat, but perhaps there was more flesh covering it.

Out of nowhere just now, i just rolled up my shirt and coincidentally raised my breath a little and to my astonishment, i saw them! My ribs! I was amazed for a while there, haven't seen them for sooo long, i forgot how they actually looked like. This is a lil weird for me, kinda reminding me of my childhood days.

Heck, i don't even know the need for me to blog about this. Lame~ but i guess i'm a little influenced by my accidental resolution of not thinking much and just doing things out of a spur.

Some days i'm a super bitch caught in my own stress but it won't last forever

2009-01-02T22:55:00.004+08:00

Next day i'm a super girl out to save the world and it keeps getting better! Yeah!
8 days straight at the gym and i'm already seeing differences, changes on my body, which i'm not sure how to feel about it. It looks a lil weird that my hips are narrowing, no longer as broad as the Great wall of China. And strangely my shoulders are widening, my bum shrinking, kinda miss the round volup ass. I'm afraid i'm starting to look like a man! Or am i delusioning??? Kinda afraid that i'm gonna wake up one morning with my ass missing!!LOL! Nonetheless, I feel lighter and i have better posture and breathing thanks to yoga. I even feel more comfy in my underwear, they fit better without those muffins sticking out. Going to keep the battle on. Let's see in 3 months what happens. This year is all about starting to not thinking so much when asked to try something new. Just jump for it and embark on the adventure. I'm not going to go too far like the all time loony Jim Carey in YES MAN though, but still, i'm ready to take chances.

And for what my fitness level is concerned..I'll do what it takes to look like this

or this (without the doubleD's ofcourse)

Btw, I don't know what the heck is up with my latest infactuation with black bags but i can't help it!

The New Year's New Wallet hunt

2009-01-02T16:39:00.005+08:00

I'm going gaga over these collection of Aussie bags and wallets i came across in Bangsar Village just a few days ago. Not that it is at all deemed as a necessity but heck, why not..new year so new wallet can onot la??? So im taking my time not to rush into things. Not that they are at all that expensive but still, i'm trying to be thrift this year. But seriously, how cuter can they get!

The New Year Stick-up

2008-12-31T17:43:00.002+08:00

Dear Darlings,

Couldn't give a damn about new year celebrations this time, only the fact that i'm growing older and it scares me. I wish to stay away from the noise and crowd and focus on the more important things such as my inner being and quality time with people i love. I was drinking my cup of oatmeal before work this morning when i realised, "Dammit, it's going to be 2009, so fast, i'm growing older!" and my 73-year old granma wisks by and laughs, "Yeah, and i'm growing younger!"

As much as i've always wanted to 'grow up', be an adult, be 'freeee' all this while, I now wish for the clock to just pause. Eating at the kopitiam few days ago when i was annoyed by the chattering of a young group of girls being so gedik and girlish all the way, I felt wise and different from them but still, wanting to steal their youth. I was afraid of being unimportant, unfresh and used with age but yet there is this feeling of knowledge that everyone grows and goes...so its all about making it count.

While I spend the time envying their youth, let's have them spending some time envying my wisdom, strenght and years of adulthood we know they all long for.

Back to celebrations, well might end up sitting at home like I thought I would. I hate to rush, hate the jam and wouldn't waste a second on any of that. Be early or might as well not be there at all. Sad part is, i wouldn't wanna dissapoint the bf. It's already 6:07pm and i'm still in the office, God knows where the bf is since his phone battery died. Way to go dude! Might as well hit the gym and once i do, you're not gonna get me until 9+! By that time, it's gonna be cramped up to even drive to the main road. So Happy New Year, Alvida 2008!

Why does living my life make me a bitch?

2008-12-30T11:26:00.001+08:00

I never knew there would come a day when we would walk past each other and be like strangers

Chirpy

2008-12-29T14:13:00.002+08:00

Looking at all these modern house designs really make me happy. It brings out such a beautiful and creative mood in me. I love it! Hahaha :)

Renewlyweds

2008-12-28T01:08:00.001+08:00

I am so addicted to this scene right now!

Working the pig

2008-12-24T09:07:00.002+08:00

Out of sheer boredom and having no life after working hours, I have finally after years and years of excuses convinced myself to join the gym and work my bum out. I dont know if their scale was lying (i think not) or was it my weighting machine at home that had gone wacked, I who humbly thought i am weighing around 50 to 52kg, am actually only as light as 47kg. My BMI is only 19 which is super good. I dont really have much of a problem it seems, cos i only need to get rid of 1.4kg of fat *cehh peanuts (LOL ;P).

However, these days when i stand naked in front of the long mirror and stare at myself, i see jingles everywhere, almost looking like a Christmas tree with too much decors on it. So i'm happy i'm taking this healthy step as well as getting the opportunity to dance again. Been a while since i finished college that i got to perform or even do any steps of choreography. Clubbing doesn't count -.-

Bugger hohoho!

2008-12-23T14:44:00.003+08:00

Had a Christmas gift exchange ritual in the office this morning after the meeting. There was a stack of presents in the middle of the huge conference table. There was one though that caught everyone's attention. A large box shaped thing wrapped with old newspaper and had a crushed tissue for a ribbon. Charming i would say. No one knew who it was from and what was in it. Such mystery. Everyone just knew they didn't want that one though! HAhaha!

Prior to that, we were all notified by this note:

Dear All,

First of all, Merry Christmas to all my dear colleagues.

Guys, every year at this same time, we would organize a small but warm Christmas party. I hope there's no exception for this year...

So, there will be a Christmas gift exchange party held right after the general meeting next week. The gift budget is around RM30. Any kind of gift will do. No restriction...haha...i dont mind receiving 10 dozens of condom...joking..

One more important thing here, please wrap your gift nicely and put it into our meeting room on tuesday morning.

HOHOHO... If you guys have any other suggestion on top of the gift exchange, such as to ask our dearest bosses or respected HOD to belanja breakfast or what...please voice out o...

Thank you.

Warmest Regards,

Andy Chew

Thereafter, one by one we started picking up a small piece of crumpled paper containing the number to the box that we would get. Dammit guess who got the big bad recycled box of present???ME!!!!! It was funny, everyone burst out laughing. We thought it would land in the hands of one of those noisy guys in the office but nooooo, had to reach the person who was sitting quietly in her arm chair. Ironic enough it was marked with my fave lucky num, 3

Fine, so i opened it! Tore the hell out of that garbage covering. And what i found inside???More garbage! First layer was a gazillion stack of used cds, second layer brought out a hanger and finally came a big plastic bag full of old batteries and wires. Very funny~

Later did i know it was just a "joke" and out came the real box of present. It was from Andy Chew himself. I thought i knew what was inside cos the day earlier he told me he bought a box of chocolates. Chocolates up my ass la! Another great surprise....A BOX OF A DOZEN VARIED CONDOMS IN DIFF FLAVOURS AND TEXTURES. Great, just what i needed. ;P

Wanted cowgirl!

2008-12-18T11:41:00.002+08:00

Hah! After all those while I spent jobless and restless at home, that stupid Cyberjaya-RM3000 starting pay giver-Sub editor job position that rejected me called me again today offering me that same position! Blah! Too bad i'm loving my great new job that's not highly paying me though they ought to. Hahaha, a sense of satisfaction is creeping in, knowing that they are licking back what they spat out! :D

That's why everybody was astonished when i said i failed the first editing test. Well all i could say at that time was that, "My editing level is too high for their comprehension. Haha, I'm too canggih!"

Whatever it is, it's not getting over my head now, i'm just being the cynic that i am. :)

Joy to the world!

Silent movie

2008-12-17T19:51:00.003+08:00

Here's a really bad quality video i made on my phone while i was just to bored to do anything else. And may i warn u that it's all topsy turvy!

Rushing DEAD LINES - - -

2008-12-16T15:13:00.002+08:00

Ok fine so i learned today that a so called senior editor in the company doesn't really exist. I am in fact the only and only editor for the mag. We have an acting-editor-in-chief who practically does other things than the magazine, and who is also the bos and not writing. I get help from a part timer who does a quarter of my job and sometimes add even more to my already full plate. So i guess that's the done deal.

Anyways, I'm not complaining right here, I'm loving my job none the less though i sometimes wish i had someone to split em' with. God dammit i'm doing the whole mag by myself, can you imagine that??? Thank God i have a PR manager who fixes appoinments for me and if i had to do that too...I'LL GO MAD!!!

Ok ok heading off now...i'm rushing remember.

Daa!

How could you be so...

2008-12-13T10:34:00.002+08:00

Shakespeare compared his lady to the summer's day, "Though art more lovely and more temperate". But my dear lover compared me to a fat piece of burger, over fried potatoes and coke.

I quote, " You always make me happy. Macam budak2 dapat their Happy Meal macam tu lah i rasa bile dapat you."

Ahahaha, cute nonetheless.

A story..now a heartbreak...mi amorada

2008-12-08T23:25:00.003+08:00

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so, cold as the winter wind when it breeze
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You need to watch the way you talkin' to me
I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

How could be so Dr. Evil, you bringin' out a side of me that I dont know..
I decided we weren't gon' speak so
Why we up 3 A.M. on the phone
Why does she be so mad at me for
Homie I dont know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, I won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go
You run and tell your friends that you're leaving me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
So I got something new to see
And you just gon' keep hating me
And we just gon' be enemies
I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night...

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

(KAnye West HeartlesS)

Dari seorang sahabat

2008-12-08T00:01:00.003+08:00

Ditulis oleh seorang sahabat dan kini ingin ku dedikasi kepada seorang lagi, Noraimi ainaa...

Kononnya, cerita ini ada 3 versi:

~ini versi buat teman~

selalunya kita menulis untuk orang lain. untuk memberitahu.

ada kala kita menulis untuk diri sendiri. untuk mengingatkan.

hari ini, aku tulis untuk diri sendiri. supaya aku ingat siapa aku ini. supaya aku tak lupa diri.
aku juga tulis untuk teman-teman. semoga dapat mereka memahami lebih sedikit.

orang pelik bila aku senang mesra. mudah.
sebab aku senang sayang dan ambil berat akan orang.

yang susah. buat aku.
cinta sebenar-benar cinta.

aku susah nak percaya. mungkin kerana aku pernah kecewa. aku pernah terluka.

tapi aku cuba. untuk mencinta.
maka, aku MAHU dia yang layak untuk cintaku. (sedang aku pernah terlupa dan pernah terhina, tak layak untuk dia) aku cari dia yang mampu bercinta denganku.

tapi aku tetap cuba mencinta...
mungkin tak seunggul Cinta Allah kepada hamba-hambaNya.

tapi...

kalau boleh, setanding cinta ibu bapa kepada anak-anaknya.
setanding kasih keluarga.

biar susah, biar busuk, biar hina,
masih bersama.
kerana aku manusia lemah yang sering silap.
kerana dia manusia lemah yang sering silap.
tapi selalu diberi peluang olehNya.
dan sebagai hamba, apalah salahnya kita berdua... terus mencuba, bersama,
kadang mungkin rasa terlewat. atau tak dapat diselamat.
tapi jika benar cinta...
teruslah mencuba, bersama, andai masih ada cahaya. lillahi taala.

Kalau ditanya aku, apa itu cinta?
Aku masih tak tahu nak jawab macam mana.

yang aku tahu... selagi masih cinta, kita terus mencuba...
bahagia bersama.

aku tulis hari ini untuk aku. supaya aku tak terlupa dan buat silap yang sama. terhina dan tak layak untuk dia. yang aku cinta.

siapa yang aku cinta?
dia yang seperti aku*.

(copyright Shea)

Dating 101- Daddy's lil girl

2008-12-07T14:12:00.005+08:00

This is the first time ever I've officially introduced a boy to my dad. My mom was the cooler one before having met all the boys, lol, but maybe it was just me, being so shy and perhaps a lil bit more respectful when introducing a guy to my dad.

So this time le bf met le daddy. And it went great. I guess daddy figured out this time I'm into the right guy, no more bad boys and rebels...he could sense that this one is a keeper. :) So the night went along by exchanging conversations all thru dinner and coffee.

I'm so relieved I got it over with. I always wondered how in hell i'm going to intro le bf to daddy. That topic always made me nervous. I bet that night dad went to sleep thinking how fast his lil girl has grown up. It was like just yesterday when he was the only man i looked up to in my life but now there's two and he's here to receive those wedding bells. What's next...grandchildren? haha. I still don't have that picutre in mind, I can't believe all this is happening so fast anyways. I guess you get a smack of reality when it's all happened and you have no control of it.

All in all, I'm satisfied that it's picture perfect. And i'm just gonna swallow this for now.

Insight

2008-12-06T19:36:00.003+08:00

So I am now the Junior Editor cum Journalist for idS, the interior design magazine catering modern Europe designs for the fresh and contemporary minds. My daily chores include running around to designer awards, design events, interior showrooms, producing articles for the mag write-up, interviewing to-be-features designer or clients on their concepts, chasing around advertisers to hand in their materials and others of such nature.

It's good that I had prior experience in PR and handling 'people' so its not anything new or intimidating to me this time around. Mission at hand: understanding designer terms and color concepts. Golly I need all of this knowledge to be able write and produce desirable articles. It would have been helpful if i had the senior editor in the office so I could just grab onto her collar anytime i need some feed but since she's going part time and working home-based, I have to step my game up a notch and handle it on my own.

I've always loved designing though without much knowledge and insight on it, I do what I can and use natural instincts on what'll look good. The closest thing I get to inteior designing is my dad and step-mom. Being designers in Jakarta, their concept is obviously inapplicable to this magazine as cultural and artistic values are more popular over there. You get balinese trends and loud shocking colors that cater to their appetites, be it the Whites and high-end locals alike.

So far, the people have been great and seem like a very down to earth bunch even up to the boss of all bosses. So I can safely say it's been pleasant. The favorite phrase in the office right now coming out of the GM's mouth is, "Sonia is more Chinese than she looks. Good thing I hired her." Ahaha weird in a way but i guess i did such a good job in fitting, they feel so comfortable around me. (F.Y.I. this is a total Chinese man company. I am the only Malay there). Not that race mattered to them but they have had people come and go, being unable to be comfortable enough in there.

What's coming next? We're having the IIDA (Intericad Interior Designers Award) in Mutiara Crowne next Friday. Grand prize, RM 200,000 and a fuly paid trip to Tokyo, Japan sponsored by Nippon. Wish they we're taking the organizing team along but too bad that's not the case. Since there's going to be so many public holidays in this month I have to rush the Feb issue and complete everything by the 10th of January or i'm going to be hot satay.

So far I'm lovin it! Parappapapa! So much so that i've caught back my old disease...Perfectionism...the disease that unable's me to sleep until I complete the job at hand, keeps we awake at late nights and have me work on weekends. ;)

In love with a fictional character

2008-12-02T23:35:00.004+08:00

Edward Cullen is soooo HOT on everyone's FB status right now. Its been a while since anyone on screen made me feel this way. Perhaps it's the idealistic image that every girl wish to encounter in some part of her life. There is something about blood sucking and pale cold vampires that turn the ladies on. That ghostly skin and wolf-like eyes, you'd wanna tame those. Vampires are known to be sexual without actually doing 'it'. Twilight didn't dissapoint by being just another monster flick, the typical to-the-heart-stabbing and protecting yourself with a cross and onion thingy. Such a romantic modern love story that can be translated into meaning.

I don't know if its the seduction or the part where they are always so mysterious I'm just looking forward to the sequels. Although I've already got the snitch of what's cooking but watching Edward on screen certainly beats the books. I'm going to bed tonight with him in my dreams~

Running nose

2008-12-02T02:07:00.003+08:00

Boys and girls, you are now looking at the-no-longer-jobless-woman a.k.a. the newly hired career woman. Not going to get into the work details at all right now. Just savoring the last 2 days of oblivion and freedom and sleeping late and stuff before i start new on Thursday. Boy oh boy!

Late Night Entertainment

2008-11-26T01:06:00.001+08:00

Mother Smother

2008-11-20T01:45:00.001+08:00

Is one born to be a writer or can one be trained to be one? Recently, I'm not feeling so much like a writer anymore and perhaps some training could come in handy. I'm not feeling mature about my writings and I take them very seriously but I don't know if this is working out. What am i good at anymore? Am I that ordinary? I don't think so. Am I just another MArty? Anyhow, a thought of writing something could just about make me vomit right now...ohhh I'm feeling dizzy >.<

A little note

2008-11-18T18:47:00.002+08:00

I want to say my thank you[s] to u,

For always being there

Having someone who cares

Thank you, for teaching me how to chill

When I didn't know how to

For bearing with my craziness

And teaching me logic and patience

Thank you, for coloring my life

Not with water color,

But with "I kan ade!"

Being the silver lining behind every cloud.

For these times that we are poor

No piggie bank can save us here

Now that our end of the month pay check is near

Next month pandailah sikit save duit kite!

Thanks for suporting me

Thru these jobless days

Sorry for the notty things i did

Promise, it won't happen again

Thank you dear,

For leaving my past behind.

Now we can "tengok kiri, tengok kanan n jalan!"

The life of a jobless workaholic

2008-11-17T19:07:00.003+08:00

GRrrrrr i'm so freaking bored outta my mind, i'm at the verge of jumping off a cliff. I can't imagine how my granma feels everyday just waking up in the morning with nothing to do and just waiting for night to fall, routine. I hope when i grow old someday i still have plenty to run around for and even of i don't i'll still make myself! I guess it's always one's own fault how the day flows by and it's never a circumstance. If u hate being stuck in the house, go out, meet people, be it a park, the supermarket, your neighbour perhaps.

I truly believe when i wake up tomorrow morning, i will get the call. 'THE' call!

Red light

2008-11-14T06:39:00.003+08:00

Oh no i think i'm starting to get comfortable with not working. I suddenly feel as if i want to stay in the whole day and never having to wake up at any obligation what so ever. This is bad, real bad. It's pushing my motivations away. Of course it sucks to be broke and penniless but sometimes you just feel like you wanna stay in at your own comfort. I hope i snap out of it soon and get moving with my career. It is fun once you're in the game again so i'm looking forward to that.

It's 6:45am and i'm hearing the neighbor's alarm ringing. He has to wake up while i'm nothing near to getting some sleep. Insomnia...my friend these days. I feel so childish and unadult-like being unemployed and not having any responsibilities most 23 year olds already have. I'm ready to grow up and move on now, if only i know how. Slow, i know.

Random questions made of 3s

2008-11-13T02:36:00.002+08:00

1) 3 things that don't need words or translation
- football
-sex
-math

2) 3 things you need to function daily
- Blackberry
- pilates
- cereal+strawberry milk

3) 3 random stunning women
- adrianna lima
- scarlett johansson
- my mom in law haha

4) 3 men that turns you on
- Rain
- Rain
- last but not least, my bf

5) 3 food you eat most often
- pasta
- brownie+ice cream
- noodles

6) 3 things you find repelling
- arrogance
- self absorption
- anger

7) 3 things that makes a woman ugly
- selfishness
- pride
- insensitive

8) 3 books you love most
- Paul Arden- Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite
- Amy Tan- The Bonesetter's Daughter
- Roald Dahl- Revolting Rhymes

9) 3 people you met yesterday
- Baz
- Erin
- Sharul

10) 3 ambitions you had while growing up
- writer
- dancer
- news reader

11) 3 of your worst fears
- darkness
- closed spaces
- snakes

12) 3 tv shows you watched in this week
- Oprah
- ANTM cycle 11
- Kimora

13) 3 things you swear you'll never do
- eat a living thing
- eat a dead thing
- rob a bank?

14) 3 worst scenarios that can happen in the loo
- you pooped and the flush doesn't work and there's a line waiting outside
- you pooped and there's no water to clean
- falling into the bowl, ahahahha!

15) 3 scariest things ever happened to you
- being chased by a dog
- being followed by a stranger
- lost and can't find my way back home

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAH!

2008-11-13T02:20:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday brother. Sorry but your pressies this year is coming a lil late. But like what they say, lagi lambat lagi besar. hahaha. So sabaaarrrr!

One to one

2008-11-13T02:07:00.003+08:00

Electronic Music: baby tgh buat ape
Sonia Salehuddin: tgh edit blog
Sonia Salehuddin: u nak wat ape mlm ni?
Electronic Music: tgh tv kot
Sonia Salehuddin: ade cite ape best?
Electronic Music: csi
Sonia Salehuddin: lorr
Sonia Salehuddin: bosan tu
Sonia Salehuddin: byk yg dh pernh tgk
Electronic Music: season baru
Sonia Salehuddin: hmm tp bosan gak la nak layan tgh malam
Sonia Salehuddin: esok nak tgk movie ape b?
Electronic Music: bond
Sonia Salehuddin: k
Electronic Music: esok u dtg umah i dulu ke
Sonia Salehuddin: ehtah
Sonia Salehuddin: u amik i kan
Sonia Salehuddin: ?
Electronic Music: ok
Sonia Salehuddin: wat time dear?
Electronic Music: lunch time?
Sonia Salehuddin: ok
Sonia Salehuddin: bb
Electronic Music: yes
Sonia Salehuddin: watpe tu
Sonia Salehuddin: nak tanye u sumthng
Electronic Music: tgk video mma
Electronic Music: ok
Sonia Salehuddin: hmm u rase kan, i ni matang x
Sonia Salehuddin: maybe dr segi thinking or behaviour
Electronic Music: hmm
Electronic Music: kekadang matured sgt, kekadang cute sgt
Sonia Salehuddin: cs i rase la, my lack of adaptive abilities in working environment sbb tu lah
Electronic Music: i suka
Sonia Salehuddin: sbb i xmatang thinking wise
Sonia Salehuddin: maybe tu sbb i kalau ade prob sikit, i larikan diri
Sonia Salehuddin: i dont face thngs head on
Electronic Music: hmmm
Electronic Music: lebey kurang le
Sonia Salehuddin: yeke
Electronic Music: kekadang u suka run away
Sonia Salehuddin: i thnk so
Sonia Salehuddin: i cm malas nak layan or handle bende tu so i cari jalan senang, whch is run
away
Sonia Salehuddin: but going back on my working attitude, hmm i pun xtau la kalau mmg tmpt
keje tu cm sial ke or mmg i ni cpt give up
Sonia Salehuddin: tp so far i thnk i know la i lari cs mmg i xtahan ngn keje tu
Sonia Salehuddin: it doesnt suit me
Sonia Salehuddin: otherwise i mmg give my best shot
Sonia Salehuddin: i dont thnk im lazy or weak
Sonia Salehuddin: i know i can be very good at my work when i focus
Electronic Music: normal la tu
Electronic Music: kalau tempat keje i shit
Electronic Music: i pun resign b
Sonia Salehuddin: ahahhaa
Sonia Salehuddin: yeah, maybe im giving myself a hard time right now cs i was disapointed with
the situation these past months
Sonia Salehuddin: n thngs are nto turning out the way i hoped
Sonia Salehuddin: n also the pressure in being jobless right now is mounting up

Layout

2008-11-12T18:49:00.004+08:00

I finally recovered my blog. I was going crazy for hours trying to recover it from all the mess. I thought i might have lost it for good. lol. I was bored today and had the mood for some revamping so i started fooling around with the html editing for the blog template. God was that a scare. Everything went haywire and the blog was ruined! I was getting upset for a while until i thought what the heck let's start over and so i did. And here we are. Hope it's pleasant for the eyes. I ahve no idea what else to do with it. Some people really have attractive blogs. Shall spent more time on it later. Toodles~

I have to think about the things i have to think of?

2008-11-12T01:06:00.003+08:00

God dammit i do think too much and it's like i can't stop myself. It happens just automatically and even when i realise it, i feel so guilty not to. People say some things are better to be left for nature to take it's course but for me every single mechanics has to be thought through carefully before taking action. I believe every single action change the course of your road and the karma that revolves around it transforms as well. So i want the aura around me and the consequences of my actions to be of satisfactory. A doing of my own.

This thing about the power of attraction, oh yeah i totally dig it so it makes my brain go even more mambo jumbo when i have to think about the things i have to think of. I know it makes everything a teeny bit more tight up and complicated when for some people, its not. Its just simple and you try things and see how it goes. I tend to think ahead even before i try it out. Call me a worry wart? Sure. Now how do i deal with this? I need a solution. I am getting tired of living this way, although in many situations this attitude has brought be greatness and achievements i am proud of. But i need to let loose and relax for a change. Help!

Ok, for instance, when i start a new job, the day before itself i'm already thinking of all the kind of things i'll be doing and this and that when for many i've heard, they just go there and handle everything that's given to them and take it as it comes. I don't understand the mechanics of my brain where i worry ahead...to much ahead. Another example, like when i apply for a job and i check the location and realise i don't know how to get there, i start worrying. Silly innit? I don't even know if i'm getting the job or what and i'm already worrying bout the navigations. Seriously, how do i deal?

My new resolution: Remove that stiffness in the neck and the frown between the browns, in other words CHILL! RELAX!

Love Sac

2008-11-06T19:02:00.003+08:00

I guess you know you're in love when you think of that special someone and you get all tingly inside.
I guess you're in love when he looks at you and his eyes makes your heart beat faster.
I guess you know he's the one when he smiles and you feel the happiest.
I guess you know you're in love when you can't see him and you feel so restless but you don't know why.
I guess you're in love when it kills you to see him sad and you can't do anything to help him through.
I guess you're in love when the door bell rings and you open the door, only to find him standing there smiling at you, and you realised you just went speechless for a second.
I guess you're in love when he touches your hand and your heart misses a beat.
I guess you're in love when you think of him and you just want to be better.
I guess you're in love when you refuse to cry and be weak in his eyes.
I guess you're in love when you walk beside him and your worries disappear.
I guess you're in love when he believes in you and the rest of the world dont matter.
I guess you're in love when you're ready to look ahead and never turn behind again.
I guess you're in love when you'd drive all night just to see him for an hour.
You know you're in love when you do not doubt a single second that you are together.
I know I'm in love when he is the answer to my prayers, all that I want in a man and more.

This ain't cheesy, it just happens to me. I love u baby.

Going GAGA!

2008-11-04T01:44:00.002+08:00

Apparently when you start wanting something real bad, the go all "hard-to-get" on you. When you're kinda like browsing the "market", they just fall at your feet. Sickening ain't it. Well I don't mind a challenge occasionally, life's been pretty slow for me lately so bring it on. Nevertheless, I beg you puhleeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, I want it! I want it! I want it!!!!!

Yall have no idea what I'm talking about right here don't you. Well let's keep it a secret and you betta pray that i get it so you can finally find out. *winks*

Btw, British Next Top Model sucks! Such a plain n dull show. Ugly model wannabes btw. What boring people! I thought Australia's Next Top Model was boring but apparently this beats the bunch. TYRA's the best!

Adacadabra

2008-10-31T17:47:00.003+08:00

I guess I need to start getting out of this idealistic bubble that I'm living in...this idealistic world of literature where everything is about freedom and following your bliss and being over dramatic about life all the time. Being a BA E-Lit has really spoilt me now hasn't it.It's been 6 months since we've left the school and I'm still living in the memories of it. Perhaps some teachings are fine to follow but those followings are keeping me astray from the real world.

Which part am I really not getting here? Perhaps those experience are meant to be indulgent but once it's over you've got to snap out of it, which is now a confusing process for me. All those real world situations our mentors used to train us for (but using literature terms) is really what's killing me right now. Maybe I took it too far. I always thought once I get out there, I am this armed and dangerous femme fatale no one could mess with. Well no one can but in some ways I have nurtured these skills into my real world weaknesses.

Looks like everyone has to start from ground zero and climb up there on their own and you bet I'm all prepared for that. It's just that I expect things to be exactly as I imagine or expect it to be, you know, landing on the perfect job of your dreams and shooting straight for the stars from there on but looks like landing on that is not going to be easy. Job hunting has been violent so far. I never wanted to land myself in the corporate world, wearing suits to work and being professional and tied up all the time. Already I'm thinking too much and taking myself too seriously, another thing I need is an environment full of that. I was looking for the artsy and free environment where you mingle around and run a riot with your creativity but I guess that's not God's plans for me. Perhaps I am meant for the corporate world and I will somehow find my way in there...I'm just waiting to see how.

Sometimes it's hard to believe the best students in class are the ones right now having difficulty adjusting to their jobs or getting a suitable job. 'Those who finish last finish first finish last'. I hope. Good to hear Hanafee has finally found an endeavor of his own. Kudos dude. Speaking of the devil, its always hard for me to have a conversation with him as I realise in the end he has just pushed me back into my comfort zone. So much for being his sanity pill, he's driving me nuts. Btw, where is that play we were suppose to work on dude?

Anywho, you guys wish me luck with this new job I will probably be excepting real soon. We'll see how things go on Monday. I'm being extra careful in excepting offers nowdays after tons of mistakes getting stuck in all the wrong companies. Nevertheless, I need some $moolahs$ as the bank is almost empty and le bf's birthday is coming soon and so is my brother's and dad's.

Enough of perhaps and maybes, it's time to suck it up.

Ladies and gentlemen....

2008-10-29T04:52:00.002+08:00

Things to do (in no apparent order) before I die:

Have my potrait done by an artist
Bungee jump
Travel to Paris, New York, Australia, Korea, UK, China
Visit Africa
Go to Disneyland
Marry the man I love
Have a kid
Donate at least RM 1000 to a charity
Adopt a pet
Buy a house
Get my own car
Own a boutique
Complete my Masters
Go on a cruise ship
Have a closet in a size of a room
Support charity organization
Kiss a monkey
Hug a koala
Sleep on a bed of roses
Receive a lifetime award
Fly a kite
Ride on a helicopter
Swim with the dolphins
Ride a tandem bicycle
Adopt a kid
Take my family (my parents+in laws+ kids) on a fully paid vacation
Write a book
Upgrade my career as an editor
Successfully playing the guitar
Learn the piano
Do a designing course
Bake a cake
Have a water birth
Fishing
Try a water sport - white water rafting

To be continued....
ps: There is only so much a girl could think of in one night. Nitey! ;)